Friday, October 2, 2015

Recruiter and SEO response templates

I’m normally sympathetic to technology recruiters, but some are just hopeless.  These, I have no sympathy for.  An the SEO spammers, no sympathy for any of them.  Every now and then, one is so obnoxious that I feel compelled to respond, and as a community service I’m sharing templates I use for responding to the worst of them.

For the recruiters:

[Dude/Dudette], I hate to be an ass, but really- digging up an ancient resume and throwing names at the wall to see if any stick- this is why recruiters like you and your ilk are loathed.  As someone who spends a lot of time trying to help folks develop and advance their technology and security careers this shit really pisses me off.

I'm not interested in moving at this time, but not being a fool I would entertain appropriate offers.  That means a minimum of [INSERT LARGE NUMBER HERE] plus options or equity, a maximum of [SMALL AMOUNT OF TIME HERE] hours per week dedicated to direct company work, support of my [LARGE NUMBER] of hours per week for community development and engagement, plus research time.  Oh, and support of my [TRAVEL, SPEAKING, DRINKING, ETC.] schedule.

The one I use for SEO is specific to Security BSides, but feel free to adapt as appropriate for your needs:

I'm sorry [SEO SCUMBAG'S NAME HERE], but we're a global community of technology and security experts, many of us have been in the field since pre-Web days... and none of us has ever heard of you or your firm.  We have a globally recognized and respected brand and have drawn several thousand participants to hundreds of events around the world without your help.

In fact, perhaps you would be interested in contracting with some of our technology, social media, and marketing experts to help build your brand- at competitive consulting rates, of course.  If not, please remove this, and every other Security BSides affiliated email from your lists.

Yes, I can be a bit of an ass, but it is occasionally justified.